There was this day that I just woke up and started missing someone again, a person very dear to me. It’s been almost 4 years since we spoke or tried any mode of communication. Nevertheless I always remembered her, had plenty of monologues with her …but just did not dare to call her.
I had no idea where what wrong with me – ‘why’ couldn’t I just pick up that damn phone and call her or mail her a single line. For all those years, I tried to sweep that ‘why’ under the rug named ‘Deal Later’…but then that time came..where one should take the courage . Which then persuaded me to start scrutinizing the corners of my heart that ignored to face these recurring issues… …weeks passed by, months went by…whilst I began implementing new health regimes, tried new cuisines, started gelling with different groups (where I was a misfit), traveled around – hoping to activate ..whatever was sulking deep within me…, yet I did not find the answer, in fact either I deviated or was searching for reasons at wrong places…Nevertheless I just didn’t give up…I started practicing meditation ….just to quite my mind or let’s say tame my wandering thoughts…a search with in..
And after years, I found out I was affected with the symptoms of an Egoist. An unwanted accessory that was shadowing around me for lord knows how long…or may be somewhere I even knew it, the concern was I just wasn’t ready to accept it..or maybe even after accepting, I just was not willing to believe that’s not how one should be…. However my virtuous conscience won & I was determined to fight it. I tried to analyze myself from a mirrors point of view and I figured that …I never said a proper ‘heart felt’ thank you to any one for a long – long time and probably never meant my sorry’s even what a shame…I knew I was not trained like this… by my parents, school or culture..and apparently most of us are not!
I figured I should be more genuine…and not pretentious. So as a beginner to treat my issue, I went to meet my mother (because she deserved to be the first in my list) and appreciate what she have done – not by giving gifts or by a hug…but by proper words, I told her ‘ I love her so much and she meant a lot to me” I admitted to her “ Every positive bit of me, is because of her efforts ,endless love and blessings”. She was the happiest that day, in fact I have never seen her cry and laugh at the same time…She said ‘The purpose of my life has been fulfilled’…And I have never felt this good before, I felt so relived, so light…This was my first step and from there on…because I enjoyed experiencing this utter bliss of expressing Gratitude. I decided to make it a true habit of mine!
These gradually inherited habits helped me cure my Egoism (before it matured any further), which eventually made me learn to be truly happy for others. Today I have no issues to be the first one to apologize even if it wasn’t my fault (if that’s all it takes to maintain harmony) , I have learned to accept my flaws and does not mind acknowledging that when needed, I am still ignorant of so many things and yet have a lot to learn….
And yes, I did call my friend, and a part of the conversation went like this… I said ‘ I do not know whose mistake it was, but definitely it’s my fault that I dint ring you up for so long – do forgive me , if you can’ And she says ‘ God I can’t even remember what we fought for’ ……
Today we continue our friendship with a stronger depth